All You Need is Self-Love: Why Loving Yourself is a Cornerstone of Recovery

Finding early recovery to be a difficult, even painful period? Many people enter recovery with a low sense of self-esteem that becomes more apparent to them without the numbing effects of drugs or alcohol. This is why taking time to learn to love yourself is so important for long-term healing.

You have started recovery with high hopes for a better future. You know that life can be more than your addiction, and you want nothing more than to move forward. But somehow, your thoughts and inner narrative keep dragging you back. You doubt yourself, are intensely critical of everything you do, and feel deep shame about your past. In some ways, the biggest obstacle between you and your long-term recovery…is you.

Many people struggle with low self-esteem in recovery. For some, a lack of self-love may have fueled the addiction in the first place, while for others the addiction itself may be the reason they are now doubting their self-worth. No matter what the source, learning how to love and accept yourself is a foundational element for a lasting recovery. 

What Does Self-Love Really Mean?

The term “self-love” might invoke images of a day at the spa and positive affirmations repeated in the mirror. While these things may be part of cultivating self-love, the real work is far more comprehensive, involving physical and emotional practices that help develop a genuine appreciation and respect for oneself. 

Being Able to Self-Validate

Many of us rely on external validation for that boost to our confidence and self-worth. The quality of this validation is important, such as when it comes from someone we admire or respect, as is the quantity, like when we are broadly or often praised. It’s the latter that has been monetised in recent years through social media, with likes, comments, shares, and subscribes feeding into our need for external recognition.

We often also seek validation through our work, to the point where we may be completely unable to separate our worth from our ability to produce or be of service to others. However, no matter how we devote ourselves to others, when we rely on external validation to determine how we value ourselves, we will always fall short. 

This is because self-validation is irreplaceable in our measure of self-worth. Even if we are lauded by those we care about, or masses of adoring strangers, it will never be enough if we cannot also validate ourselves. We must learn to appreciate and recognise our own efforts, thoughts, and actions. 

This means being conscious of what you are feeling, and taking time for reflection on what you have done. When you’re sad or exhausted or irritated, give yourself the space to feel your feelings and validate them. Sit with your emotions, explore where they are coming from, and remind yourself that this process is an important part of regaining your health. Acknowledge to yourself when you’ve done something that is good, have improved, or are working towards a goal. 

Being Gentle With Yourself

Do you find that you have an arsenal of explanations for other people’s behaviour, but are intensely critical of your own slightest misstep? We are often our own harshest judges, internally castigating ourselves for things that we would overlook or dismiss in others. 

What if you decided to extend the same kindness and compassion towards yourself that you do to others? Mistakes are a natural and important part of personal growth as a person, and offering yourself forgiveness when you make them can dramatically impact your recovery. Finding this tenderness with yourself allows you to be fully aware of your actions and positively affected by them, rather than stymied by guilt or self-loathing.