The phone call comes when you least expect it. Your loved one, the person you have worried about, fought for, and finally helped get into treatment, is on the line saying they need to come home. Now.
Maybe they’re crying. Maybe they’re angry. Maybe they’re making promises about how they’ve changed, how they don’t need to stay any longer, how everything will be different this time.
And you’re caught in the middle, wanting to believe them, wanting to end their suffering, but knowing somewhere deep down that something isn’t right about this request.
If you are asking yourself whether you should allow your loved one to leave rehab early, you’re already doing something important: you’re pausing before reacting. That pause matters more than you might realise.
Understanding What’s Really Happening
Before you can decide how to respond, it helps to understand what might be driving this request. The reasons people want to leave treatment early are rarely as straightforward as they sound.
The Call Often Comes at Predictable Times
Treatment centres see this pattern constantly. The urge to leave typically peaks at certain points:
- Days 1-2: The initial shock of being in treatment, away from familiar surroundings, often triggers panic. Your loved one may say anything to get out.
- Days 7-14: Physical withdrawal has often subsided, creating a false sense of completion. “I feel better” can quickly become “I don’t need to stay.”
- Before 30 days: As therapy begins addressing deeper issues, the emotional discomfort of that work can feel overwhelming. Leaving becomes a way to escape.
Knowing that these patterns are common, that the staff at the treatment centre have likely seen this exact scenario many times, can help you respond from a place of understanding rather than panic.
What They Say vs. What’s Underneath
Your loved one might give you a list of reasons why they need to leave:
- “I’m cured! I don’t need this anymore.”
- “The staff don’t know what they’re doing.”
- “I don’t fit in with the other people here.”
- “I need to get back to work / the kids / my responsibilities.”
- “This place is making me worse, not better.”
Some of these may contain elements of truth. But beneath most requests to leave early, there are usually deeper forces at work:
- Fear and discomfort: Treatment asks people to sit with difficult emotions they have been avoiding, sometimes for years. That process is painful, and leaving offers immediate relief.
- Overconfidence: Once physical withdrawal passes, many people genuinely believe they have turned a corner. They have not yet grasped that detox is just the beginning.
- Craving: Sometimes the urge to leave is, at its core, the urge to use. The brain is remarkably skilled at constructing logical-sounding reasons for what is essentially a craving.
This does not mean your loved one is lying to you. They may genuinely believe every word they are saying. Addiction affects the brain’s decision-making and reasoning in profound ways. The person you are talking to is struggling, and part of that struggle is an inability to see the situation clearly.
The Risks of Leaving Treatment Early
Understanding what is at stake can help you hold firm when the pressure to give in feels overwhelming.
The Overdose Risk Is Real and Immediate
This is the most serious concern, particularly for opioid addiction.
When someone detoxes, their body’s tolerance drops rapidly. If they leave treatment and use at their previous dose, the amount that used to feel normal – it can be fatal. Their body simply cannot handle what it once could.
The period immediately after leaving treatment early is one of the highest-risk windows for overdose.
This is not a scare tactic; it’s a medical reality that treatment professionals take very seriously.
Relapse Rates Are Significantly Higher
Research suggests that 40-60% of people who leave treatment early relapse within 30 days. Within the first year, that figure can climb as high as 85%.
These numbers do not mean recovery is impossible after an early departure. Many people try treatment multiple times before it sticks. But they do illustrate just how much harder it is to maintain sobriety without completing a full programme.
They Leave Without the Tools They Need
Recovery is not just about stopping substance use. It is about building new ways of coping with stress, processing emotions, managing triggers, and navigating relationships.
These skills take time to develop. Leaving early means returning to the same environment, the same triggers, and the same challenges without adequate tools to handle them differently.
Each Incomplete Attempt Can Make the Next One Harder
When someone leaves treatment early and relapses, it can reinforce a painful internal narrative: “I can’t do this. Treatment doesn’t work for me. I’m a hopeless case.”
This erosion of self-belief makes future recovery attempts harder. Conversely, completing treatment, even when it’s difficult, builds evidence for a different story: “I can do hard things. I can follow through.”
How to Respond When They Want to Leave
Your response at this moment matters. Here is a framework for navigating it.
Stay Calm, Even When They’re Not
Your loved one may be in crisis. They may be saying things designed to provoke a reaction, make you feel guilty, or convince you that the situation is urgent.
As hard as it is, try to be steady.
A calm response does not mean you do not care. It means you are providing an anchor instead of getting swept up in the storm.
Take a breath before you respond. You do not have to solve this in the next five minutes.
Validate Their Feelings Without Agreeing to Their Request
You can acknowledge their distress without committing to bringing them home.
Try saying: “I can hear how hard this is for you. I know you’re struggling, and that matters to me. Let’s talk about what’s making it so difficult right now.”
This opens a dialogue without immediately giving in. It also shifts the conversation from “get me out” to “here’s what I’m actually feeling,” which is far more productive.
Ask for 24 Hours
This simple request can be remarkably effective.
Try saying: “I hear you, and I’m taking this seriously. Can we talk again in 24 hours before making any decisions? Just one more day.”
In crisis moments, perspective narrows. Everything feels urgent and unbearable. A day can bring significant shifts: a good night’s sleep, a helpful conversation with a therapist, or simply the passing of an intense wave of emotion.
Many treatment centres report that the majority of people who want to leave move past that urge within 24-48 hours when they are encouraged to wait.
Contact the Treatment Centre
Do not try to handle this alone. Reach out to the facility directly and let them know about the call.
Clinical staff deal with these situations regularly. They can:
- Increase support and check-ins with your loved one
- Address specific concerns that may not have been fully communicated
- Give you professional insight into what is happening
- Help you craft an appropriate response
You and the treatment team are on the same side. Use them as a resource.
Avoid Actions That Enable an Early Exit
This is often the hardest part. Your instinct may be to rescue your loved one from discomfort. This is a natural response when someone you care about is suffering.
But certain actions can inadvertently enable the very outcome you are trying to prevent:
- Arranging transportation to bring them home
- Sending money that could be used to leave
- Agreeing to “just come and talk” (which often becomes leaving)
- Making promises about what will happen “if they just come home”
Try saying: “I love you, and it’s because I love you that I can’t help you leave right now. I believe this is where you need to be, even though it’s hard.”
Hold the Boundary With Love
You can be firm and compassionate at the same time. In fact, holding this boundary is an act of love, even when it does not feel like one.
Try saying: “I know this is one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. That’s exactly why it matters. You’re stronger than you feel right now, and I believe in you.”
Express confidence in their ability to get through this. Remind them why they went to treatment in the first place. Let them feel your support without that support becoming permission to leave.
When Leaving Might Actually Be Appropriate
While most requests to leave early stem from the challenges of treatment rather than genuine problems, there are situations where leaving – or transferring to a different facility – may be warranted.
Genuine Safety Concerns
If your loved one reports something that suggests genuine risk such as staff misconduct, unsafe conditions, or serious issues with other clients, take it seriously.
Contact the facility to investigate. If concerns are substantiated, the appropriate response may be transferring to a different programme rather than abandoning treatment entirely.
The Programme Genuinely Isn’t the Right Fit
Treatment programmes vary significantly in their approach, philosophy, and specialisations. Sometimes a mismatch is real.
If your loved one has given the programme a genuine chance (typically at least 2-3 weeks) and specific, consistent concerns remain, it may be worth exploring alternatives. The key is finding a different treatment option, not simply returning home.
True Family Emergencies
A death in the family, a serious illness, or another genuine emergency may require your loved one’s presence.
Work with the treatment centre to find the best solution which might include a temporary leave of absence rather than ending treatment entirely. Many facilities have protocols for handling these situations while protecting the person’s recovery.
Taking Care of Yourself Through This
Supporting someone through addiction treatment is exhausting. Receiving these phone calls is emotionally draining. You matter too.
Consider seeking support for yourself, whether through Al-Anon, a therapist who specialises in family addiction issues, or simply trusted friends who understand what you’re going through.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your own wellbeing isn’t selfish; it’s what allows you to show up for your loved one in a sustainable way.
How The Dawn Supports Families Through These Moments
At The Dawn, we understand that when someone wants to leave treatment, it affects the whole family.
We do not see these moments as problems to be managed. We see them as critical parts of the recovery process that require skill, compassion, and collaboration.
Open Communication with Families
With the client’s consent, we keep families informed throughout treatment, not just when things are going well.
Our team can help you understand what’s happening clinically, suggest ways to respond, and coordinate our approach so your loved one receives consistent support from all sides.
A Therapeutic Environment Far from Triggers
Located in the mountains of northern Thailand, The Dawn provides physical distance from the environments that contributed to addiction. This isn’t about isolation, it’s about creating space for genuine change.
When your loved one cannot simply walk out the door and be back in familiar territory within hours, it provides a buffer. That distance gives difficult moments time to pass and gives our clinical team time to provide support.
24/7 Clinical Support
The urge to leave often hits at night, on weekends, or during emotional low points. Our clinical team is available around the clock, not just for emergencies, but for the difficult moments when your loved one needs someone to talk to.
When we know someone is struggling, we increase support and check-ins.
Experienced Therapists Who Have Seen This Before
Our therapists have worked with hundreds of clients who wanted to leave, and helped most of them work through that urge to complete treatment.
They recognise the patterns, understand what is driving the behaviour, and know how to have conversations that address the real issues.
Their goal is not to keep people in treatment against their will – it is to help them understand what is really happening and make informed decisions.
CARF-Accredited Rehab
The Dawn is Asia’s only CARF-accredited rehab, a distinction that matters for your loved ones recovery. This means you can trust that they will receive:
- Evidence-based treatment methods
- Person-centered and trauma-informed care
- International standards for safety and quality
This accreditation gives you confidence that you are choosing a facility committed to their wellbeing, with the added advantages of a healing environment and greater affordability than Western alternatives.
FAQs | Should I Let My Loved One Leave Rehab Early?
Q. Can my loved one leave rehab whenever they want?
A:In most cases, yes. Unless there’s a court order or legal mandate involved, treatment is voluntary. Adults have the right to discharge themselves “against medical advice” (AMA). However, treatment centres will typically try to talk them through their concerns before they leave, and will require paperwork acknowledging the risks.
Q. What should I say when they call wanting to leave?
A: Acknowledge their feelings without agreeing to bring them home. Try: “I hear how hard this is, and I’m taking it seriously. Can we talk again tomorrow before making any decisions?” Then contact the treatment centre to let them know what’s happening and get their input.
Q. How long should someone stay in rehab?
A: Research consistently shows that longer treatment produces better outcomes. The National Institute on Drug Abuse recommends a minimum of 90 days. However, the ideal duration depends on individual circumstances, severity of addiction, and any co-occurring mental health conditions. Most programmes run 30-90 days for the initial residential phase.
Q. What if they say something is wrong at the facility?
A: Take specific, consistent concerns seriously. Contact the facility directly to discuss what’s happening. Many issues can be resolved without leaving – a room change, a different therapist, or adjustments to the treatment plan. If genuine problems exist that can’t be resolved, look for alternative treatment options rather than simply returning home.
Q. Am I being cruel by not bringing them home?
A: No. Holding this boundary is one of the most loving things you can do, even though it doesn’t feel that way. Short-term discomfort during treatment is far preferable to the long-term devastation of untreated addiction. You’re not abandoning them, you’re giving them the best chance at genuine recovery.